If there is one criticism we consistently receive from readers, it’s that we are not funny.  The second is that we are too limited in scope.  Fair point.  There are only so many ways you can inaccurately represent a Spanish point guard’s accent and so much synchronized diving information to disseminate before you begin repeating yourself.

To address this, we thought we should try and broaden our site’s perspective on the issues that we cover, and to do so we naturally thought of Europe (the continent, not the band).  But we didn’t just want to bring in some European guy to write about some European topic because, honestly, who gives a shit?  No, we wanted a European’s perspective on North American (read: Canadian) issues.  What do they think of Tim Horton’s price increases?  The hiring of Cito Gaston by the Blue Jays?  Butter Chicken’s life-long fascination with androgyny?  We want to know.  Plus, it’s a no-lose situation, because the results will either be: 1) insightful, or 2) easy to ridicule.

So we hired a headhunter to gather up candidates for our soon-to-be-fledgling “Euro Bureau.”  We then asked the candidates to fill out a brief questionnaire, to give us a handle on who they are, what they like and what they would bring to the table.  So, without further adieu,* we present candidate number 1 -  Jürgen Schröder of Germany.

*Eurofied.

Name: Jürgen Schröder

From: Dusseldorf, Deutschland (perhaps you know it as ‘Germany’)

Age: 26

Relationship Status: Single (I know what you must be thinking, but the picture is of myself and my friend Lena, who does not wish to be my girlfriend.  But I still try, should I not?  Jokes!)

Hobbies: Reading summaries of concerts of bands I like to listen to, collecting watches, playing Call of Duty 3, paintball (it really stings!), watching Wonder Showzen (it is not what I thought, but it is quite nice).

Pet Peeves: Sloppy grammar, graffiti “artists”, cyber-bullies.

Favourite Food: Mozartkügeln.  Try it!  Delicious!

Goals: To one day accumulate an abundance of natural resources, such as coal or lumber, and to grow wealthy from my efforts.  I would also like to discover a new natural resource, if such a thing exists, but I have many doubts.

Favourite North American film, television, music or sports personality: Rainn Wilson.  He is both very funny and very serious, which do not have to be mutually exclusive I think.  I have also been told by my friend Lena that I remind her of him, which I have taken to mean a compliment.  Why not?

Why?: Oh, I have erred and already placed this above.  I direct you to read it there.

Ideas for first three posts:

1. Football versus American Football: what is, really, the difference?
2. Casey Kasem still is alive?
3. Lessons from Del Struwwelpeter!

Do you have a criminal record?: No.

If ‘no’ to above, are you willing to get one?: No.

Name three Anne Murray songs: Sadly, I cannot. 

Can you use Photoshop?: Yes.

Will you teach us?: Yes.

Ireland’s rejection of the Lisbon treaty - why was it the right move?: Well, personally, I think it was a big step back for the European Union, and am still unclear as to the reasoning on which the Irish based…[ed. note: remainder redacted for show-offiness].

Do you consent to your picture/questionnaire being posted on our site?: No.

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 Well played, Jürgen.  We’ll let you know.