We at Food Court Lunch strongly believe that sports talk radio plays an important societal role in the lives of city dwellers.  Take the city of Toronto, for example.  Toronto’s resident sports talk radio station, The Fan 590, plays two important roles in the lives of Torontonians, in that (i) it draws attention away from Toronto’s crippling traffic congestion problem, allowing drivers to properly focus their rage upon the upper management of the Maple Leafs; and (ii) it allows for the gainful employment of unattractive people.

As sports talk radio stations are wont to do, The Fan 590 is currently running a sports-related contest.  In the “57 Gets You $10,000″ contest, listeners select a major league baseball player whom they believe will get a hit on that particular day.  If that player gets a hit, then the listener’s hitting streak continues and the listener gets to pick again the next day.  If through divine provenance the listener manages to continue on to break Joe DiMaggio’s record of 56 consecutive games with a hit, the listener wins a cool $10,000 in cash!!!!!

Now, I know what you’re going to say.  Beat Joe DiMaggio’s hit streak record?  That’s exceedingly difficult!  But I’ve come up with a foolproof strategy that will drastically increase your chances of winning this contest.  And I am willing to share this strategy with you now.  Free of charge.

You see, this contest is designed so that you can pick a different player every day in the hopes that they might get a hit.  But that’s a fool’s bet.  After all, who can predict who will get a hit on any given day?  I mean, I predicted that the Pirates would win the last three World Series, but you don’t see me rolling in Vegas dough.  And don’t even get me started about Eight Belles.

No, here’s how I’m going to win the $10,000: I have reviewed Major League Baseball’s batting stats in detail, and I have identified the player who, by virtue of the fact that he has the highest batting average in the major leagues, is statistically most likely to get a hit on any given night.

That’s right. It’s called Moneyball, people: the higher a player’s batting average, the more likely he is to get on base.

That’s why I’m picking Chipper Jones to get a hit on each of the next 57 days.  It’s a foolproof plan backed up by real science.

Now, I hear you naysayers.  I hear you say ”Pick a leadoff hitter because they generally get more at-bats”.  And I hear you complaining about the fact that “the Braves don’t play every night for 57 days in a row!”  And all I can say to the haters is, do the math, people.  Better batting average means more hits.  It’s as simple as that.

Just don’t come crying to me when I’m $10,000 richer and you’re still begging for free donuts at the Tim Horton’s.