Last week the Hudson’s Bay Company (or “HBC” or “The Bay” to those in the know) revealed the Canadian team uniforms for the upcoming Beijing Olympics. Given that HBC is the oldest company in North America (it began as a fur trading company in the 17th century), we had initially thought that the uniforms would be done in a conservative, traditional fashion. I mean, look at the Canadian uniform from the 2006 Torino Winter Games:

Ever since HBC was awarded the uniform contract instead of Roots, there have been some questionable choices made with respect to these outfits. How is it going to be different this time? Tell us, Suzanne Timmins, Olympic designer:

“We really brought fashion to the Olympics,” says a chuffed Suzanne Timmins, fashion director of The Bay.

Bold talk, woman. What makes it so damn fashionable?

“We all see Kanye West in this outfit,” jokes Timmins.

Kanye West? He certainly is fashionable. Those glasses he wears are all the rage now. I myself own several pairs.

We were sceptical. Cynical. We were expecting the worst. Instead, we here at Food Court Lunch were blown away the choices made by HBC. Daring, outrageous, futuristic

ZUBAZ!!!!

HBC made a wise choice with respect to these uniforms. Never mind all of that high-falutin’ fashion talk — put yourselves in the shoes (or pants) of the average sports fan. What would that sports fan want to wear when he’s going to the mall, tail-gating before a game, or being arrested on spousal assault charges? I think the answer is obvious.

When our athletes parade through Beijing’s Olympic stadium looking like a white trash lynch mob, our hearts are going to soar with pride. The Maple Leaf and Zebra Stripe Forever. I have never been more proud of an item of Canadian clothing (except perhaps for that Bolero hat I stole off of Mitsou).

Oh, the uniforms weren’t even made in Canada?

That’s even better. That increases the possibility that the pants are made from real zebra. Either that or some sort of toxic, lead-based fabric. Either way, people will be talking about Canada, and that’s all we really care about.