Our curling newsdesk recently brought you on update on the mother of all curling tournaments, The Brier. Since posting this life-altering article, our inbox has literally been overwhelmed by a deluge of e-mail requests from readers demanding more!

For example, Gordon McDougall of Moosejaw, Saskatchewan writes:

Your detailed exposition on the intricacies of curling has changed my life! I am truly a curling convert. No longer will I waste my time following the numerous professional sports teams from the Greater Moosejaw Area (GMA). I am now all about the big “C”. Thank you for opening my eyes - keep up the great work!

Steven P. Johnston of New Haven, Connecticut writes:

“I don’t get it - what’s the deal with this website?  There’s no reference to food whatsoever, and it would appear that the so-called ‘writers’ pull their respective articles out of their enormous asses virtually overnight… You should all be ashamed (and summarily executed). You sicken me.”

And Roxxy (address unknown) writes:

“Size does matter! Add 3-5 inches to satisfy your woman, now? Shipping is chargeless, supply has limit. Become superbig fancy lover today.” 

Thank you, readers - we would be nothing without you. And in recognition of this fact, we vow to give you more curling updates than ever before! But where to begin?!?

Well, how about with the World Women’s Curling Championship! As everyone in the Free World knows, the Ford “WWCC” was held in Vernon, British Columbia this past month. As always, the competition was fierce, and the women looked simply stunning in their curling frocks. But the question on every pundit’s lips was who would take home the coveted gold medal in 2008!

Sure, the obvious choice was China’s Bingyu Wang, whose work on ice with a rock and a broom is legendary from Heilongjiang to Qinghai. But what about the tournament’s dark horse, Jennifer Jones, with her Winnipeg-based cadre of chick curlers? Since leaving the glitz and glamour of the daytime talkshow world behind, Ms. Jones has been a force to be reckoned with on the ice surface. Only time would tell, however, whether she was up to the challenge of riding Wang.

Canada’s Olympic Hopefuls
(and some creepy dude who snuck into the photo)

Thus, with the arrival of the 2008 gold medal match on March 31, 2008, pitting Wang against Jones, the masses gathered around their televisions, computers and fax machines to watch the magic unfold. Amazingly, when the dust finally settled, Jones and co. emerged victorious with a stunning 7-4 win, becoming the first Canadian team to win the title on home ice since Marilyn Bodogh in 1996 [Hey Steven P. Johnston from New Haven - do you think clever and factually accurate references like that can be found merely at the touch of a button, on some sort of online encyclopedia? Well, they can’t - that’s just raw journalism, Stevie].

Google image search for “female curlers” gone horribly awry…

So how does this unprecedented victory impact the topsy-turvy world of curling, and the world of sport more generally? Does it mean that Canadian athletes are somehow better than the rest of the world? Yes. Yes it does. Otherwise, the Canadian Prime Minister would not have called them directly from his secret lair to congratulate them on their world domination…

So what’s next for the Jones Quartet? Likely a jazz album of some sort (perhaps with Canadian rock icon, Luba). After that, it’s time to gear up for the AMJ Campbell Shorty Jenkins Classic, the Boston Pizza September Shoot-out, and of course the “Big One”, the Twin Anchors Houseboat/Prestige Inn Cashspiel (yes, those are all real…). Rest assured that this reporter will be at each and every one of these exhilarating events, bringing you the heart-stopping action that is chick curling:

Polish curler Kasia Selwand… again