Sun 10 Feb 2008
A nice little story from the golf world this month, where Phil Mickelson, he of the noteworthy face, made it a “Super” Sunday for one lucky father and son. During the final round of the FBR Open in Scottsdale, Arizona, Mickelson had his caddy hand a pair of Superbowl tickets to John and Drew Fockler, who had been following the world number two throughout his round (you can meet the Focklers during this interview with sexy boozehound Dana Jacobson).
Completely coincidentally, a Golf Channel camera crew was on-hand to capture the caddy’s presentation. A camera was also on-hand during Mickelson’s post-round interview, where he was apparently embarrassed to find that the media had found out about what was supposed to be a secret! Oh, that media!
Seems Mickelson may have felt bad for his earlier refusal to give young Drew an autograph, which was unfortunately not captured on film. Funny that.
Well wouldn’t you know it, we caught up with Lefty before a practice round at this past weekend’s Pebble Beach National Pro-Am, where we had the chance to ask him about his generous gift.
FCL: Phil! Phil!
Phil Mickelson: Huh?
FCL: We’re from Food Court Lunch, and we were wondering if we could get a quick word?
Mickelson: Food Core what? Get out of here, I don’t have time for…
FCL: Roll camera!
Blue Menu starts filming.
Mickelson: (instantly smiling) Sure, what can I do for you guys?
FCL: Thanks, Phil. We were wondering if we could ask you a few questions about the generous gift you made a few weekends back at the FBR.
Mickelson: Aw, shucks. How’d you guys find out about that?
FCL: Mostly from the interview you did about it on national television.
Mickelson: (pause) Well, I didn’t know they were going to ask me about…
FCL: Also from the video of your caddy explaining to the father and son that Phil Mickelson wanted them to have the tickets.
Mickelson: I see.
FCL: We were wondering if you might say a few words about what motivated you to make this selfless gesture.
Mickelson: Well heck, fellas, anyone that knows me knows how important my three little girls two little girls and one little boy are to me. And I wouldn’t be telling tales if I said that spending time with them is just about my favourite thing in the world to do. Seeing as how I’ve been so blessed, I thought, “why not make this a very special weekend for this father and son”, who’d been kindly following my round all day.
FCL: That’s very generous of you.
Mickelson: Pshaw. It was the least I could do.
FCL: Now we heard that earlier the child had asked for your autograph, but you were unable to give him one.
Mickelson: (face turning red) Well, jeez guys, I get asked for so many autographs, and I try to accommodate all my fans’ reques…say, what’s that beeping noise?
FCL: Huh? Oh, our camera must be running out of batteries. Menu, did you bring spares?
Blue Menu: I think they are here somewhere…
Audio lost while batteries are changed.
Mickelson: (audio back on)…tell you one more fuckin’ thing, you smarmy little fucks think you can mess with Phil Mickelson? Well if this were twenty years ago I’d whip out my…
Menu: And we’re rolling!
Mickelson: (instantly smiling) So, anything else I can do for you fellas?
FCL: Well, we wanted to ask you a few questions about Tiger Woods.
Mickelson: Great player, great guy.
FCL: Yes. And by all accounts Tiger is one of the most charitable athletes in sports today.
Mickelson: I’d say that’s a fact, he’s just super.
FCL: He also has a reputation for being very private.
Mickelson: Well, there are a lot of demands on his time. He needs his time to unwind.
FCL: Mm-hmm. Well, our question is, do you think that if, hypothetically speaking, Tiger Woods were to give away two tickets to the Super Bowl to a father and son, he would do so away from the cameras? Due to, you know, his private nature and such?
Mickelson: (eye twitching) What are you getting at, son?
FCL: Well, I guess what we are trying to say is, um,…can we have $1800?
Mickelson: What’s this?
FCL: $1800. Can we have it?
Mickelson: (teeth clenched) What do you guys need $1800 for?
FCL: To send a father and son to Las Vegas.
Mickelson: Las Vegas?
FCL: Yes sir. Vegas.
Mickelson: For what?
FCL: Just a weekend away. You know, to spend time together.
Mickelson: Okay. And where are they?
FCL: Huh?
Mickelson: The father and son. Where are they?
FCL: Oh. Well, Menu here, he’s got a little guy. And me, well…I’m somebody’s son.
Mickelson: (trickle of blood escapes from lip) I see. Say, would you mind turning that camera off for a second?
Menu: Sure.
Camera stays on.
Mickelson: You piece of shit, give me that fuckin’ thing…
Menu: NO! Get your own!
Mickelson: Give me that camera!
FCL: HELP! HELP!
Struggle ensues. Briefly inaudible.
Mickelson: (audio back)…god damn EXTORTION! I’m PHIL MICKELSON, do you hear me? I could buy and sell you fifteen times over! Fuck this, I’m out of here.
FCL: Ow! My elbows!
Mickelson: (bouncing off) This is the last thing I needed today. Have to play with that asshole Michael Bolton in the Pro-Am, and I swear to fuckin’ God, if Amy forgot to pick up my dry-cleaning…
FCL: (to Menu) You okay?
Menu: Yeah.
FCL: Well, this is just great. Now how are we going to get to Vegas?
Menu: (squints into distance) Say, is that Gary McCord?
FCL: Camera okay?
Menu: Yep.
FCL: Let’s roll.

February 11th, 2008 at 10:45 am
It’s amazing the Golf Channel had enough crew to cover this breaking story! They’re usually swamped covering the New England Mini Putt Semi-Finals. I sure hope they followed up by replaying another “classic” game from the 1970s, peppered with insightful commentary…
February 11th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Phil is one phony bastard. If you watch the pre-tournament coverage, you would have seen that the Golf Channel’s correspondent said “Phil Mickelson said that he was going to give out a pair of Super Bowl Tickets to a father/son sometime near the 2nd green”. That fat fuck actually went out of his way to let them know exactly when he was going to do this so they would be there to cover it. He handed them out on the 3rd tee. I’m guessing the camera crew was running about a minute late. Do you think Phil could lose another 20 lbs? By the way, I hear he has an illegitimate kid with a black lady in Ohio. Is that true?
February 11th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Phil can’t lose that extra weight. He’s still breastfeeding his illegitimate child.
February 11th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
Saw that, PPN. Which made his post-round “how did you guys find out about that?” b.s. even more skin-crawling.
February 11th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
I’ve heard Phil and Amy are into swinging, with it being rumored that Phil set Michael Jordan up with a night with Amy. I wonder why the camera crews weren’t there to capture that All-American moment.
February 11th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
“By the way, I hear he has an illegitimate kid with a black lady in Ohio. Is that true?” Trying to produce his own Tiger?
February 11th, 2008 at 10:34 pm
This fat sob has no shame. I bet Phil is the type of guy who allows his wife to give other men rimjobs and then kisses her afterward. The man has male breats that just beg for a motorboat. Oh well cold be worse, he could be making $10,00 as a videographer for a children’s swim club while wearing a funy hat and telling everyone he’s pursuing his mba.
February 12th, 2008 at 8:31 am
My husband definitely loves kissing me after I rim one of his friends.
By the way, is Phil’s nickname on tour FIGJAM?? Stands for, Fuck I’m Good Just Ask Me.
March 3rd, 2008 at 8:13 pm
Phil has 2 daughters and 1 son. Great research guys!
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:37 pm
We know. We just thought he was the kind of asshole that would forget the gender of his kids.
Yeah, that’s the ticket.
September 19th, 2008 at 9:09 am
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A nice little story from the golf world this month where Phil Mickelson he of the noteworthy face ma [...]…
September 18th, 2009 at 6:29 pm
Phil is an asshole.
June 13th, 2010 at 1:33 pm
Why do you guys hate Phil so much? This interview guy is just being an asshole and Phil was just having a bad day. The interviewer was being completely disrespectful. Who the hell ask someone for money when there interviewing them? Golfers get asked all the time for money and clearly Phil is just fed up with it. He told the guy straight up. Fuck off. The interviewer was being a retard so Phil did what he should have done…. Btw yes it is true he has a black kid (i heard son) in ohio.
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