(Kim’s Laundry, mid-afternoon. Doorbell chimes. Darren Rovell walks in)

Kim: Good morning, sir.

Darren Rovell: (furiously scans store from floor to ceiling)

Kim: Hello?

Rovell: (counting quickly and softly to self)

Kim: Can I help you, sir?

Rovell: THIS STORE IS 400 SQUARE FEET IN SIZE!

Kim: Sounds about right. If you don’t count the area in back.

Rovell: (confused, starts marching towards back)

Kim: Whoa there, buddy. You can’t go back there.

Rovell: HMPH.

Kim: What can I do for you?

Rovell: IS THIS A LAUNDROMAT?

Kim: It sure is. But you don’t need to shout.

Rovell: HERE. (drops cloth bag on counter)

Kim: What do we have in here?

Rovell: THESE ARE MY DRESS SHIRTS.

Kim: Okay.

Rovell: WELL, NOT ALL OF MY DRESS SHIRTS. JUST SOME OF THEM.

Kim: Uh-huh.

Rovell: I HAVE OVER SIXTY OF THEM.

Kim: Sounds like you’re well stocked.

Rovell: 61 TO BE EXACT.

Kim: You don’t say.

Rovell: I JUST DID SAY.

Kim: So you did. So, you want me to dry clean these, or…

Rovell: THE DRY-CLEANING INDUSTRY WAS PARTICULARLY HARD HIT BY THE RECESSION, WITH REVENUE DROPPING 21% BETWEEN 2008 TO 2011.

Kim: You don’t need to tell me that.

Rovell: BUT I DID JUST TELL…

Kim: I know. So you want these shirts cleaned?

Rovell: NO.

Kim: No?

Rovell: I WANT THEM MONOGRAMMED.

Kim: I can do that.

Rovell: AND IF I LIKE YOUR WORK, I MAY MENTION YOU ON TWITTER TO MY 175,000 FOLLOWERS.

Kim: Well I’ll have to do a good job, then.

Rovell: (folds arms, closes eyes, nods repeatedly)

Kim: Monograph on the cuff?

Rovell: YUP.

Kim: And what should it say?

Rovell: @DARRENROVELL.

Kim: Pardon me?

Rovell: @DARRENROVELL.

Kim: You’re losing me.

Rovell: IT’S MY TWITTER NAME.

Kim: I see. And what does that mean?

Rovell: GRRRR. CLEARLY YOU ARE NOT ONE OF THE 175,000. I WANT IT TO BE THE “@” SYMBOL, FOLLOWED BY MY NAME, WHICH IS…

Kim: Darren Rovell.

Rovell: DARREN RO…yes.

Kim: Here’s the problem, Darren – a monogram is normally only initials. Two, three letters max.

Rovell: (counts to self) @DARRENROVELL HAS 13 LETTERS.

Kim: Exactly, that’s the prob…

Rovell: THAT’S IF YOU COUNT THE “@” AS A LETTER, WHICH I THINK FOR OUR PURPOSES, WE SHOULD.

Kim: I agree. But regardless…

Rovell: BUT I WOULD EXPECT YOU TO MAYBE THROW IN THE “@” FOR FREE.

Kim: I’d be happy to, Darren, but my real concern is ruining the shirts.

Rovell: I DON’T WANT YOU TO RUIN THEM.

Kim: Of course not. But a monogram that long, it’ll look kind of silly.

Rovell: …

Kim: Know what I mean? How about we just go with “D.R.”?

Rovell: I DON’T WANT @DR! @DR BARELY HAS 700 FOLLOWERS! I HAVE 175,000!

Kim: Not “@DR”. Just D period R period. The classic look.

Rovell: CLASSIC? WHAT PART OF A SYNERGISTIC SOCIAL MEDIA STRATEGY DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND?

Kim: Uh…all of it?

Rovell: SO ARE YOU SAYING YOU WON’T HELP ME?

Kim: I want to help you, but I don’t want to mess up your clothes.

Rovell: ARRRGGGH. (whips out Blackberry)

Kim: Darren?

Rovell: (types furiously)

Kim: (shrugs shoulders)

Rovell: HERE! (shows Kim a tweet reading, “Kim’s Laundry – Worst customer service I’ve ever received! Not how a small business survives.”)

Kim: Hey! That’s not nice.

Rovell: NO IT ISN’T. AND IF I PUSH THAT ‘TWEET’ BUTTON, GUESS HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE GONNA SEE IT?

Kim: 175,000?

Rovell: PLUS RETWEETS.

Kim: Look, buddy, I don’t want any trouble. You want a thirteen character monogram, I’ll give you a thirteen character monogram.

Rovell: FINALLY.

Kim(sighs, begins writing up ticket)

Rovell: Y’KNOW, YOU SHOULD REALLY GET YOURSELF A WEB PRESENCE.

Kim: I’ll get right on that. Next Friday okay for pick-up?

Rovell: (staring at picture on wall) IS THAT YOUR DAUGHTER?

Kim: Yep. That’s my baby girl. Just started college this year. Her mother and I are so darn proud…

Rovell: SIX OUT OF TEN!