Mon 6 Feb 2012
(Kim’s Laundry, mid-afternoon. Doorbell chimes. Darren Rovell walks in)
Kim: Good morning, sir.
Darren Rovell: (furiously scans store from floor to ceiling)
Rovell: (counting quickly and softly to self)
Kim: Can I help you, sir?
Rovell: THIS STORE IS 400 SQUARE FEET IN SIZE!
Kim: Sounds about right. If you don’t count the area in back.
Rovell: (confused, starts marching towards back)
Kim: Whoa there, buddy. You can’t go back there.
Kim: What can I do for you?
Rovell: IS THIS A LAUNDROMAT?
Kim: It sure is. But you don’t need to shout.
Rovell: HERE. (drops cloth bag on counter)
Kim: What do we have in here?
Rovell: THESE ARE MY DRESS SHIRTS.
Rovell: WELL, NOT ALL OF MY DRESS SHIRTS. JUST SOME OF THEM.
Rovell: I HAVE OVER SIXTY OF THEM.
Kim: Sounds like you’re well stocked.
Rovell: 61 TO BE EXACT.
Kim: You don’t say.
Rovell: I JUST DID SAY.
Kim: So you did. So, you want me to dry clean these, or…
Rovell: THE DRY-CLEANING INDUSTRY WAS PARTICULARLY HARD HIT BY THE RECESSION, WITH REVENUE DROPPING 21% BETWEEN 2008 TO 2011.
Kim: You don’t need to tell me that.
Rovell: BUT I DID JUST TELL…
Kim: I know. So you want these shirts cleaned?
Rovell: I WANT THEM MONOGRAMMED.
Kim: I can do that.
Rovell: AND IF I LIKE YOUR WORK, I MAY MENTION YOU ON TWITTER TO MY 175,000 FOLLOWERS.
Kim: Well I’ll have to do a good job, then.
Rovell: (folds arms, closes eyes, nods repeatedly)
Kim: Monograph on the cuff?
Kim: And what should it say?
Kim: Pardon me?
Kim: You’re losing me.
Rovell: IT’S MY TWITTER NAME.
Kim: I see. And what does that mean?
Rovell: GRRRR. CLEARLY YOU ARE NOT ONE OF THE 175,000. I WANT IT TO BE THE “@” SYMBOL, FOLLOWED BY MY NAME, WHICH IS…
Kim: Darren Rovell.
Rovell: DARREN RO…yes.
Kim: Here’s the problem, Darren – a monogram is normally only initials. Two, three letters max.
Rovell: (counts to self) @DARRENROVELL HAS 13 LETTERS.
Kim: Exactly, that’s the prob…
Rovell: THAT’S IF YOU COUNT THE “@” AS A LETTER, WHICH I THINK FOR OUR PURPOSES, WE SHOULD.
Kim: I agree. But regardless…
Rovell: BUT I WOULD EXPECT YOU TO MAYBE THROW IN THE “@” FOR FREE.
Kim: I’d be happy to, Darren, but my real concern is ruining the shirts.
Rovell: I DON’T WANT YOU TO RUIN THEM.
Kim: Of course not. But a monogram that long, it’ll look kind of silly.
Kim: Know what I mean? How about we just go with “D.R.”?
Rovell: I DON’T WANT @DR! @DR BARELY HAS 700 FOLLOWERS! I HAVE 175,000!
Kim: Not “@DR”. Just D period R period. The classic look.
Rovell: CLASSIC? WHAT PART OF A SYNERGISTIC SOCIAL MEDIA STRATEGY DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND?
Kim: Uh…all of it?
Rovell: SO ARE YOU SAYING YOU WON’T HELP ME?
Kim: I want to help you, but I don’t want to mess up your clothes.
Rovell: ARRRGGGH. (whips out Blackberry)
Rovell: (types furiously)
Kim: (shrugs shoulders)
Rovell: HERE! (shows Kim a tweet reading, “Kim’s Laundry – Worst customer service I’ve ever received! Not how a small business survives.”)
Kim: Hey! That’s not nice.
Rovell: NO IT ISN’T. AND IF I PUSH THAT ‘TWEET’ BUTTON, GUESS HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE GONNA SEE IT?
Rovell: PLUS RETWEETS.
Kim: Look, buddy, I don’t want any trouble. You want a thirteen character monogram, I’ll give you a thirteen character monogram.
Kim: (sighs, begins writing up ticket)
Rovell: Y’KNOW, YOU SHOULD REALLY GET YOURSELF A WEB PRESENCE.
Kim: I’ll get right on that. Next Friday okay for pick-up?
Rovell: (staring at picture on wall) IS THAT YOUR DAUGHTER?
Kim: Yep. That’s my baby girl. Just started college this year. Her mother and I are so darn proud…
Rovell: SIX OUT OF TEN!