Welcome to a new feature here on Food Court Lunch, where we offer up a variety of visages of a celebrityish figure whose face we would absolutely love to punch.  Y’know, assuming God hadn’t cursed us with these marshmallow-soft hands and a crippling fear of retaliation.  Curse him, in whatever form you choose him!

First up is Nicolas Cage, star of the good (Adaptation, The Rock, Leaving Las Vegas, Raising Arizona), the memorably terrible (8mm, Gone in Sixty Seconds) and the just-plain-terrible (Ghost Rider, Captain Corelli’s Mandolin, Guarding Tess(?)).  He stars in the upcoming National Treasure 2: The Legend of Curly’s Gold; there is absolutely no reason for anyone, anywhere to see that movie.

 On to the faces:

The 'Hypnotist Named Gob'

The 'I Thought She Was Sixteen, Officer'

The 'Tender Voyeur'

The 'Carrie-Anne Moss'

The 'Amuse Douche'

The 'Blue Steel Magnolias'

The 'Dick Tracy Villain'

The 'Thinking Man's Douche'

The 'Gay Bret Hart a.k.a The Excellence of Alopecia'

The 'Embarrassing Parent'

The 'Who Is Cage?'

The 'I Told You I'd Find You, Lisa Marie'

The ‘Man Who Looks Like an Old Lesbian’