Tue 23 Mar 2010
As I have detailed in several previous posts, my visits to my gym provide me with the unwanted opportunity to glimpse into the dark and strange recesses of human behaviour. In other words, you see some fucked-up shit when you work out. Today provided yet another “…Really? You’re actually doing that?” moment.
I am walking to the shower past the first bank of showers. I am mentally scolding myself for leaving my fucking flip-flops at home. Don’t worry — I was able to make shoes for myself out of all of the stray pubes that stuck to my feet as I walked. Jesus, I shudder just thinking about it. Can you get crabs through the soles of your feet? Anyway, I am walking past the showers when I see this short Asian guy facing me while taking a shower. He was brushing his teeth.
Now, I understand that people do unique and strange things when they are showering at home. Some people shave in the shower. I suppose that’s one way to save time. Some people piss in the shower. I never do this. No idea why. It never even occurred to me, particularly because THERE IS A FUCKING TOILET ABOUT THREE FEET FROM YOU. What sort of imperial fucking palaces are you people showering in? Is it a chore to walk three feet before you shower and piss ahead of time? Do girls do this too? And who suddenly gets the urge to piss in the five minutes it takes to shower? Who the fuck wants the splashback from pissing on a flat porcelain surface? Still, I can appreciate the concept. Some people even brush their teeth, which again I find bizarre. I don’t want my teeth to be any part of the general process where my genitals or ass are getting cleaned. My hair — fine. Gums — not so much.
As I said, I understand that people pretty well do what they want at home. But who the fuck carries that behaviour over to the public showers at the gym? If you jerk off in the shower at home, are you going to do that in the changeroom? I don’t want to have to share a shower with some fuckwit who is spitting his toothpaste goo and hork everywhere. Shower, shampoo and soap. That’s it. That’s all you need. It’s bad enough when I find a used band-aid on one of the shelves. I don’t need you standing there, buck naked with a mouth full of foam, brushing and spitting to your heart’s content.
I think I’ll start running outside.