We at Food Court Lunch were going to do a post about bench-clearing brawls in hockey. Why? It’s easy and fun to watch, like a slutty girl jumping up and down. We decided to do a little bit of searching on YouTube for the best fights the web has to offer. As we were perusing the panoply of fisticuffs, we were struck by a particular thread that was woven through all of these videos. Pretty well every single bench-clearing brawl we came upon happened to have Dale Hunter as a major participant. It has only been a few years since he retired from the NHL, but we had forgotten what a completely psychopathic hockey player he was. If you combined the conscience of Fred Leuchter, the anger of a bipolar Irishman, and the persistence of a Jehovah’s Witness, you would have something approximating Dale Hunter. Then it would punch you in the face and call you a pussy.

What’s Mr. Hunter doing now? Prison time? No, coaching, of course.

Food Court Lunch has compiled a greatest hits collection for Mr. Hunter. To paraphrase Depeche Mode (and why wouldn’t you?), enjoy the violence.

Exhibit “A” – Mr. Hunter explores the ancient athletics maxim: “It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how hard you blindside Pierre Turgeon and smash his head into the boards.” BONUS: Somebody dubbed dialogue from “300” over it. It makes no sense, but is fun nonetheless.

Exhibit “B” – This is simply the longest, craziest fight we have ever seen. I am surprised the ushers didn’t storm the ice to get a few shots in. Pay particular attention at -6:09. Jean Hamel got punched like a housewife during the Super Bowl. BONUS: It goes on forever. Even the announcers get blase after awhile. “And Hunter slits Charbonneau’s throat with his skate blade…so, Mickey, how are the kids?”

Exhibit “C” – Sheer chaos on ice. It makes a breadline riot look like a military drill in comparison.

We miss you, Mr. Hunter. No one took the fastest game on earth and turned it into ice pogrom better than you could.

Food Court Lunch Bonus:

Sam Mitchell, this is for you in regard to your views on basketball violence vs. hockey violence. You may have a point. When they turn the lights out in the arena to get you to stop fighting, it’s fair to say that hockey might at times be a little out of control.

Exhibit “A” – Basketball Fight – The New York Knicks vs. the Denver Nuggets (a.k.a. Carmelo Anthony isn’t a snitch, but fights like a bitch):

Exhibit “B” – Hockey Fight – Canadian Junior Hockey Team vs. Russian Junior Hockey Team – 1987

Look on the bright side. No one was raped.