It’s Monday. It’s January. It’s raining. God bless us, everyone (except that little shit, Tiny Tim). Join us once again as we stroll through the anus of history in remembrance of the January 25ths of yesteryear…

1791– The British Parliament passes the Constitutional Act of 1791 and splits the old province of Quebec into Upper and Lower Canada, continuing its streak of brilliant foreign policy decisions. Next stop: panicked withdrawal from India…

1879 – The Bulgarian National Bank is founded, signalling the end to global concerns about the stability of Bulgarian currency (which I believe is moussaka).

1881– Thomas Edison and Alexander Graham Bell form the Oriental Telephone Company. With no one else to call, they spend the next decade re-enacting crank calls to one another using puppets.

1942 – World War II: Thailand declares war on the United States and United Kingdom, prompting both nations to immediately respond with gross apathy (coupled with mild concern for the dwindling supply of lady boys).

1996 – Billy Bailey became the last person to be hanged in the United States of America. Unfortunately for the music world, the deceased turns out to be a different Bill Bailey, allowing Axl to continue his work on the greatest scam of all time. 

2006 – Three independent observing campaigns announce the discovery of OGLE-2005-BLG-390Lb through gravitational microlensing, the first cool rocky/icy extrasolar planet around a main-sequence star. Nerds of the world rejoice, and immediately update the Wikipedia entry for “January 25″.