Wed 20 Jan 2010
Facebook Updates That Make Me Want To Punch My So-Called Friends In The Face
Posted by Butter Chicken under Butter Chicken's dish
I am on Facebook. I am a virtual social butterfly. I use it to keep track of my old friends’ growing and troubling obesity, post thinly-veiled racist articles and find out which of my friends ended being transsexual (just one, it turns out!). In using Facebook, I stupidly accepted the “friends” invitations of people I knew in high school and in my childhood. I had lost touch with them and was kind of curious what had happened to them. Turns out they went completely fucking bonkers. Today’s highlight:
“If you are a parent with the greatest kids on earth then copy and repost this and lets give our kids the recognition they deserve. I LOVE MY [Stupid fucking kid’s name #1] and [Stupid fucking kid’s name #2] xoxoxoxo ….. They are the greatest!!”
I could go off on this inanity for pages, but let’s be brief: I hope both children fall into a deep well, and I hope that well is filled in with a cement made of the ground-up bones of the person who wrote this Facebook update. That is all.
January 20th, 2010 at 11:33 am
I used to have a facebook page until I realized my only updates were to let people know that I was cranking one out. It was a little disturbing, and I knew I had to choose one or the other. Needless to say, I do not have a facebook page anymore.
January 20th, 2010 at 11:48 am
I have a facebook page just so all the girls I went to school with now have a way of stalking me.
I do it for the ladies.
/does awkward wink and finger guns “pew pew pew”
January 20th, 2010 at 12:04 pm
I want to know what the hell is up with people sending invites for their kids’ facebook and twitter accounts? Some of these brats are under five years old. If I want to know about their trips to the potty, I can just drive by with my trusty old binoculars, thank you very much.
January 20th, 2010 at 12:34 pm
I’m still on probation from the last time I looked at a five-year old’s twitter.
January 20th, 2010 at 12:46 pm
Which reminds me, Kushiro, when are you going to update your Google Streetview photos?
January 20th, 2010 at 12:51 pm
I like to see how many of my “friends” went-off the deep end and became super born again missionaries who are more than casually interested in saving virtual souls. I also continue daily management of my Farmville agricultural co-op. I can’t wait to reach level “Soviet,” where the workers will combine efforts and toil under a centrally agreed upon level of production for the benefit of the entire society.
January 20th, 2010 at 12:55 pm
Sorry, Spud, the last batch crashed their satellite. Shit got too real for the Googleplex.
January 20th, 2010 at 2:41 pm
Posting about your kid, huh? So it’s ok to post pics of my used condoms?
January 20th, 2010 at 3:01 pm
Glad to see I’m not the only one with a potty-training fetish.
On a related note, I’m really afraid of the results googling “potty-training fetish” might produce.
January 20th, 2010 at 3:03 pm
@ Chief:
“So it’s ok to post pics of my used condoms?” Why do I get the feeling you are looking for ex post facto justification?
January 21st, 2010 at 5:54 pm
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February 22nd, 2010 at 2:57 am
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