Wed 20 Jan 2010
I have slowly come to the realization that most of the things I write about involve me hanging out in a men’s changeroom. I should be troubled by this, but I am pretty comfortable with this fact, much like the fat man with a bath mat worth of hair on his back is comfortable walking around the gym without a towel around his waist. And although I am going to be writing about about me in a men’s changeroom, I promise you that today’s little anecdote is not going to be about my erection. My last five erection-based posts pretty well covered that topic. The slide show was pretty helpful too, I thought.
This morning, I was in the shower cleaning myself up for work after my workout. As I stood showering, facing the wall and wondering when that sore on my dick is going to close up, I heard someone behind me enter…the shower bank. I heard him turn on the shower and let it run for a short while. He then turned the shower off. The gentlemen proceeded to bang the shit out of the shampoo dispenser and, I presume, apply shampoo. He then turned the shower on for about a minute. Then, he turned it off. Like with the shampoo, he hammered on the soap dispenser to likely dispense enough soap to clean a homeless man. After a minute or so, he turned the water on.
Who the fuck turns off the shower to apply soap or shampoo? If the water even goes lukewarm when I am showering, I am immediately seething with rage. I can’t stand the shower being interrupted like that. But to turn off the shower? It’s as cold as fuck and pretty well the most unpleasant way to go about the entire showering process, yet this guy had his fucked-up routine down like clockwork. What is he worried about? Soap rationing? He doesn’t want it to get washed away? Jesus fucking Christ. It was the most pedantic shower I have ever come across, and that includes my experience making love to an Asperger’s sufferer in one. Did this guy come from a small town where showers consisted of buckets of water being thrown at him?
I think I am going to buy a Soloflex and stay home instead.
January 20th, 2010 at 10:16 am
He was just “going green”. I do my part by never, ever flushing a public toilet no matter what. When I’m feeling especially virtuous I just take a dump on the sidewalk. Yay for me!
January 20th, 2010 at 10:21 am
I believe that’s called “going brown”, Chief.
January 20th, 2010 at 10:30 am
Somewhere, David Suzuki has an itchy scalp.
January 20th, 2010 at 10:33 am
I think the man should be lauded for being environmentally responsible. We all need to do our part. For instance, whenever I go to McDonald’s, I bring in an empty pop can that I have picked up off the street. Sometimes the staff is so impressed and/or revolted, I get a free refill!
January 20th, 2010 at 10:43 am
Spud, you are not supposed to bring in the pop cans you smoke out of.
January 20th, 2010 at 11:24 am
I sure am glad I don’t shower with you and your judgmental eyes.
January 20th, 2010 at 11:27 am
My penis makes judgments too, Matt. It’s more of a “yes or no” thing with it, though.
January 20th, 2010 at 11:39 am
But it always says yes, so I don’t really think you can say it judges people, places or things.
January 20th, 2010 at 12:00 pm
At the risk of ruining my sterling reputation here (yeah, right), I will admit that I have done this in the past. Of course, it was when I lived in Japan and my water was gas-heated, so even a brief shower cost me a fortune. It was bearable, though, because the water came on at exactly the right temperature, and never dipped in the slightest, so I never got the cold-shock I get here when someone in North America decides to run their taps.
On the upside, it was perfectly acceptable to piss in the street.
January 20th, 2010 at 12:35 pm
Go back to Japan, you fucking hippy!
January 20th, 2010 at 12:56 pm
Being a hippie in Japan means eating massacred dolphins only twice a week.
January 20th, 2010 at 1:26 pm
There is nothing wrong with saving water to help the environment. It’s the same reason I piss in the sink and have completely switched to disposable dishes and utensils–less dishes to wash.
January 20th, 2010 at 1:51 pm
I do my part for the environment by driving as fast as I can so that I limit my time on the road.
January 20th, 2010 at 1:58 pm
As C. Montgomery Burns noted, Mother nature started this war of survival and now she wants to quit just because she is losing? Well I say hard cheese.
January 20th, 2010 at 2:39 pm
I heard some people use semen as hair gel, that could count as helping the environment.
January 20th, 2010 at 3:35 pm
Hair gel? Sounds better than my moustache wax idea.
January 21st, 2010 at 8:33 am
Semen- More useful then a Swiss army knife.