An insightful gander into the headlines that shape your world

From Bikinis to Burkas: A Guide to Hiding the Freshman Fifteen

Somewhere, Toby Keith has taken his notebook out of his back pocket and is furiously scribbling down lyrics ideas for his next song.

This Week in Alanis Morrissette Lyrics: Exotic Animal Owner Killed by 650-Pound Tiger

The real irony here is that the man was wearing a Bengals jacket.

Mandel to Replace Hasselhoff on ‘America’s Got Talent’; TV Studio to Fire Casting Agency

Does it bother anyone that, unlike with the Supreme Court, our nation’s legislators do not have a chance to grill talent judges about their beliefs before they are acclaimed?

Una Compania de Cerveza Por Favor? Heineken Buys Dos Equis

You didn’t hear it here, but word is that the actor playing “World’s Most Interesting Man” is set to be replaced by the ING guy.

That Ain’t Baby Fat, Honey: No Baby on Board for Kardashian

Also, Ms. Kardashian, as your doctor I must advise you that you have a butterface.

Kids’ Jewelry from China Found to be Toxic, Affordable

You buy your kid’s Christening jewelry at the dollar store, you takes your chances.

This Week in Computer-Generated Headlines: Lindsay Lohan in Hit & Run

Yep.  Slow news day.

Full-Day Kintergarten Plan Draws Fire as Teachers Contemplate “Full Day of Work” Nightmare

I, for one, fully support the full-day kindergarten initiative, and not just because it means I get 6 full hours to myself at home on weekdays.  Rather, I’m seriously concerned that our children are falling behind the rest of the world in playground games.  Won’t somebody think of the children?