Do you ever find out about something later on in life that you wished you had learned years ago? I always get angry when I try a type of food that I have never eaten before, and absolutely love it. Why didn’t anyone tell me about it earlier? I have been wasting my time eating absolute shit when I could have been eating the good stuff? For example, I didn’t try mango until I was in high school. Mango is phenomenal. It is like God shitting in your mouth. I would eat my own genitals if they were made of mango. In fact, I often dip them in mango juice, stretch and pretend. Why the hell didn’t my parents let me know about mango years ago? I blame them for this. I also blame them for the genetic curse that is my smallish hands.

Anyway, I only recently learned that there was a video from the early 1990s of Canadian boxer Trevor Berbick having an altercation with former heavyweight champion Larry Holmes. And by “altercation”, I mean Larry Holmes doing a flying double-leg drop-kick off of a car.

How did I not know about this? I have been wasting my time with internet porn and LOLCats when I could have been watching this on loop. With the exception of snuff films and Heidi Montag music videos, this is pretty well the most insane shit ever captured on tape. Fuck Mike Tyson and Muhammad Ali. Larry Holmes is now the most bad-ass heavyweight ever to walk the planet. “Oh, you think I might punch you, do you? Well, Trevor, I would, if it wasn’t MARTY JANNETTY TIME!” Sure, Berbick died from a lead pipe beating a few years later, but I am pretty sure it was an inevitable part of his downhill slide after Holmes’ complete ownership of him.

I have to say, if I ever get into a road rage incident, I am going to try my best to make this my finishing move. Well, either that or I will throw mangoes at them.