Wed 25 Nov 2009
That’s right, fun boys - it’s the 329th day of the Gregorian calendar, and you know what that means! It’s time for another look back at the historical events that have shaped the depraved world in which we live. A crazy world where mindless people who have 8 kids get prime-time ratings, but Andy Richter can’t seem to hold down a job… Join me while I try to figure out where it all went wrong, won’t you? Let’s stroll through the November 25ths of yesteryear together (no hand-holding):
1034 – Máel Coluim mac Cináeda, King of Scots dies. Donnchad, the son of his daughter Bethóc and Crínán of Dunkeld, inherits the throne. Years later the English would slaughter the Scots for their flagrant use of non-existent accents and misplaced vowels.
1783 – American Revolutionary War: The last British troops leave New York City three months after the signing of the Treaty of Paris. Due to their love of beaver, most of them head north to Canada, where they insert pictures of their Queen onto all known currency, re-name couches as “chesterfields” and add the letter “u” to words like “colour”, “favour” and “smut”.
1826 – The Greek frigate Hellas arrives in Nafplion to become the first flagship of the Hellenic Navy. Outside of the booming metropolis of Nafplion, the Greek navy continues to be known solely for their substandard response time to repeated Greek ferry disasters (and their love of ouzo).
1973 – George Papadopoulos, head of the military Regime of the Colonels in Greece, is ousted in a hardliners’ coup led by Brigadier General Dimitrios Ioannidis. Webster is devasted, but is comforted by Ma’am.
1984 – 36 top musicians gather in a Notting Hill studio and record Band Aid’s Do They Know It’s Christmas in order to raise money for famine relief in Ethiopia. Not to be outdone by their UK counterparts, Canadian musicians (all seven of them) would offer their reply one year later in the form of Tears Are Not Enough (performed by the aptly-named supergroup, Northern Lights), shaming an entire nation in the space of 4 minutes and 33 seconds. Anne, Gord, Bryan, Corey, Geddy - take it away:
November 25th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
I didn’t feel shame as much as I felt a deep, growing hatred for Bryan Adams. This culminated in my attempt to slug him with a flying beer bottle at a 1999 concert I was dragged to by an ex-girlfriend.
I missed. Much to my shame.
In an unrelated matter:
Drinking Water: You Know People Once Shit In That, Right?
November 25th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
2009: On the day before Thanksgiving (Columbus day to you Canadien folk), Sully managed to do less work than normal which put his actual work output in the never before seen negatives.
November 25th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
It’s both ironic and tragic that a song recorded to save lives led so many of the people who heard it to commit suicide.
November 25th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
@ Basil: In all fairness to you, Tina Turner has never been the same since she took that bottle off the side of her skull. It’s only love…and serious accidental head injuries. Basil, I dub thee “New Ike”.
November 25th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
You forgot:
2009 - rusrus and family put up Christmas decor in glowing harmonic bliss.
Ha, just kidding. I’m on my third martini, and the kids are upstairs crying - just like last year!
November 25th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
Is no one going to comment on the video’s definitive proof that Neil Young has no business singing? He may be the “Godfather of Grunge”, but he sings like like the Grandfather of Strep Throat.
November 25th, 2009 at 7:32 pm
Who knew the coolest man in the universe would prowl amongst them? I’m speaking of the man in the sunglasses and headband- Neil Young.
My favorite part about his line was after he sung it, the technician told him he sounded a little flat, to which he responded.
“But that’s my style, man!”
December 7th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
Wait - how’d they get the NHL All-Star team to sing this tune? Was it socially acceptable to substitute the Canadian National Anthem with ‘Tears are not Enough’ back then? If so, I say we start playing this ditty during the 7th inning at Jays games.