Well, it’s my turn again, and for crying pete I have nothing.  That being the case, please sit back and enjoy the latest installment of a breathtaking gander at the headlines that taunt the illiterate.

Committing Career Suicide? Food Court Lunch’s Guide to Starting a Non-Profit Blog

I write this post hunched over in my cubicle, in full view of at least 3 of my direct superiors.

Heidi Klum Trying to Lose 20 Pounds, Seal

I bet fat chicks hate reading headlines like this.  Sorry - ‘pudgy broads’.  In any event, Heidi, I would suggest a clubbing.

Swine Flu Causes Surge in Garlic Sales, Death

Never mind the pandemic angle; CNBC viewers want to know: Who is making money off this thing?  Seriously though, I was off last week with Swine Flu and it sucks.

What About Breast Self-Exams? Yeah, What about Breast Self-Exams? I gotta do everything around here?

Ever since I heard Peter Criss came down with breast cancer, the idea of a breast exam doesn’t seem quite as titillating anymore.

Camryn Manheim has a Bone to Pick with Obama; Well, it’s more of a Hambone, Actually

And whatever you do, Mr. Obama, do not ask her what a Manheim Steamroller is.

Ex-Fire Captain Jailed for ‘Vile’ Child Porn; Encouraged to Try More Acceptable Forms of Child Porn

Like the Abercrombie & Fitch catalog, or a family album.

Police: Body Parts Sold to Kebab Stand; All of Turkey: ‘And?’

Doners = gross, or amazing (depending on circumstances of consumption)

Venezuela’s Chavez: Do Sit-ups, Eat Well, Defy Imperialist American Swine

Oh, how times have changed.  If we were still back in the eighties, this guy would definitely have been assassinated by the CIA by now.