Your 2009 World Series slate is  set, people!  Those lovable underdogs, the New York Yankees, will take on the original Broad Street Bullies, the Philadelphia Phillies in this year’s October classic!

But before we bring on the dulcet tones of Joe Buck, the inimitable wisdom of Tim McCarver, and the endless wave of Must-See television promos and Swiffer(tm) product tie-ins, let’s take a look back at that amazing ALCS between the Yankees and the Los Angeles Angels who are from Anaheim but would nevertheless like to attract Latino fans.  Here are your award winners from the ALCS:

 

MVP of the Series:  A-Rod

Rodriguez also wins the award for “most likely to cause viewers to adjust colour settings on television in a futile attempt to reconcile the unnatural colours of his skin with the colour of his lips”

Orel Hershiser Award for Shutdown Starter:  C.C. Sabathia

Continuing to give hope to endomorphs worldwide who dream of a career as a pitching ace.

Manager of the Series:  Joe Girardi

Some might say that a team with a line-up as powerful as the Yankees could win with any manager, but I think the key question you have to ask yourself is: How many games would the Yankees have won if Jim Leyritz managed the team instead of Joe Girardi?

Player Most Likely to Draw Over-Exaggerated Platitudes from the Announcers:  Mariano Rivera

Yes, I know he’s amazing.  Yes, I know he has been basically unhittable for the last decade and a half.  But just a little cautionary story for Yankees fans:  It won’t last forever.  We too once had a pitcher who was infallible.  That man’s name? Tom Henke.  And what is Tom Henke up to these days, you say? He works at Lenscrafters.

 

Key Play of the Series:  Vlad Guerrero Forgets the Count (Game 6)

Watching Vlad forgetting the count and trotting self-satisfied to first on a 3-2 count, you couldn’t help but think: These guys think they can play in the World Series?

Funniest Moment:  Kazmir’s Moonball to First (Game 6)

Okay, look alive, Scott!  It’s a simple comebacker.  I can handle this! I’ll just pick it up, turn to first, and WHOOP! Shotput the ball to that fan in the 8th row!  Damnit!  This is soooo hard!

Bitch-Ass Punk Award:  A.J. Burnett 

You know why, A.J. 

Most Likely to Fold Like a Cheap Deck of Cards:  Scott Kazmir

See Moonball, above.

Best Concession Item:  Nachos with Shredded Money Topping

Runner-up: Special Cask Reserve 12-Year Old Pabst Blue Ribbon

Best “Bridge & Tunnel” Look:  Nick Swisher 

Hey, Dumbass! Watch the paintjob!

X-Factor:  Residual Effects of Steroids

Residual effects of a proper steroid program administered by a professional = A-Rod

Residual effects of a mail-order steroid program administered by a cousin = Gary Matthews Jr.