Fri 25 Sep 2009
And so it would appear Wayne Gretzky’s time at the helm of the Phoenix Coyotes has come to an end. After countless Stanley Cup runs (ed. note: to be verified) and thousands of hours behind the bench, Wayne announced that he has decided to part ways with the collection of saleable assets formerly known as the Coyotes.
Opinions about Wayne’s decision to quit are split among familiar lines:
Canadians: “We can’t believe how poorly our greatest hero has been treated down there. Don’t they know who he is?”
Don Cherry: “Whose decision was it to put a Goddamn Finn in net? Bring in Joey MacDonald! Support the troops!”
Americans: “Wayne Brady? My mom’s a big fan.”
News about the truth behind Gretzky’s tumultuous relationship with Coyotes ownership is beginning to come out. Insistence on the largest coaching salary in the NHL? An ownership stake? Protracted negotiations? Failure to show up at training camp? Refusal to sign an employment agreement? Those sound like questions for the court of public opinion.
What matters now is that Canada’s most important person ever is now in need of a job. And we’re here to help! We have no doubt that Wayne will land on his feet. We asked you what Wayne’s next job will be, and here are your answers!
What will Wayne Gretzky’s Next Job Be?
26% - Picking up some extra shifts at his restaurant, Wayne Gretzky’s
21% - Slinking back to the Brantford Zehrs to ask Old Man Finnegan for his stocking job
17% - Stay at home dad
14% - Arranging talent bookings for wife, Janet Jones
11% - Transfer to rival hockey team, Falstaff DesertSandDuneRattlerDogs
9% - BreatheRight Strips Spokesman
7% - Mark Messier’s personal concierge
6% - Broomball equipment distributor
1% - Leading Team Canada to Gold at the 2010 Winter Olympics
Did we miss any?
September 25th, 2009 at 9:30 am
“7% - Mark Messier’s personal concierge”
LOL
September 25th, 2009 at 9:36 am
Good old Wayner. Even in polls, he gives 112%.
September 25th, 2009 at 9:44 am
Spud: That’s before taxes.
September 25th, 2009 at 10:55 am
Too bad they just filled that judge vacancy on American Idol. Based on his coaching/prez career he’s quite the judge of talent.
September 25th, 2009 at 11:13 am
It doesn’t matter because the leafs are going to win the Cup. Nazem Kadri is the next Dougie!!
September 25th, 2009 at 11:54 am
Vito:
Nice try. I still believe Lonny Bohonos will be the next Dougie. And shouldn’t you be busy recording radio car ads for The Fan?
September 25th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
Blue:
Nathan Dempsey could have been Bobby Orr.
September 25th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Where the hell was I when you asked what Waynes next job would be?
September 25th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
Sully:
The “poll” was more of an “Afghan election”.
September 26th, 2009 at 3:53 pm
At this point, I think Janet’s given up on acting, so Wayne can help shepherd his daughter’s film career. Assuming that Gretzky I saw listed among the supporting players — very supporting, prolly one scene — in Fame is one of the Great One’s brood.
September 28th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
[…] Food Court Lunch: Blue Menu wonders what’s Wayne going to do. Style Points: TO thinks Roid Rage might be the […]
September 28th, 2009 at 5:37 pm
I still think he opens an OTB with Janet.
October 31st, 2009 at 12:51 am
[…] 14% – Arranging talent bookings for wife, Janet Jones . 11% – Transfer to rival hockey team, Falstaff DesertSandDuneRattlerDogs. 9% – BreatheRight Strips Spokesman. 7% – Mark Messier’s personal concierge …Continue Reading… […]