Hey there, pet lovers!

Do you dread the idea of some cold-hearted veterinarian snipping off your best buddy’s kibbles and bits?

Are you worried about those dangerous new strains of animal STDs that the media is always talking about?

Are you married to the idea of using only non-violent means to help cull our nation’s rapidly-expanding pet population?

WELL THEN HAVE WE GOT A PRODUCT FOR YOU!

From the makers of the “Twitchin’ Toddler” Baby-Neutralizing Taser comes Doggie Condoms™ - the only contraceptive barrier-device designed specifically for canines!

 

Cruel neuterings and unwanted litters are a thing of the past. Doggie Condoms™ are the safe, affordable and fashionable way to keep your promiscuous pal puppy-and-pus free.

And talk about easy-to-use! The Doggie Condom™ is applied using just three relatively simple steps:

 

 

Voila! Now Fido is ready to hit the town!

And did someone say, “accessorize”? We’ve got you covered. Yes, Doggie Condoms™ are available in all of your pooch’s favourite colours.

Like Gray:

Dark Gray:

Super Dark Gray:

And Fuchsia:

And don’t worry - we understand that pooches, like humans, aren’t all equipped the same way. That’s why Doggie Condoms™ come in four different sizes:

 

                     Small                                 Medium                    Large                       Black Lab

Still not convinced? Don’t take our word for it. Check out these testimonials from just a few of our many satisfied customers:

Dennis Rothcutt, Fort McMurray, Alberta: “My dog’s sexual proclivities had become unmanageable. I was drowning puppies that my neighbours left on my doorstep by the grocery bagful. But now, thanks to Doggie Condoms™, I can safely let Rex out at night, knowing the only things my neighbours will be complaining about are the sounds from his extended lovemaking sessions. Thanks, Doggie Condoms™!”

Clark McMillan, London, Ontario: “The thought of taking Bruno to the vet to get his boys cut off made me nauseous. Plus, I like to smoke, and the mere sight of those things when I’m high causes me to giggle to no end. So when I heard about Doggie Condoms™, it was like a godsend. Heh. Just look at the size of them. I don’t know how they don’t tip him over.”

Marissa Beaujoulais, Montreal, Quebec: “I love how they come in all of these pretty colours. And the flavoured ones sont delicieux.  One request - could you please make some in red? LOL!”

Dog Boy, Timmins, Ontario: “Wish these were around when my parents met.”

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So what are you waiting for? Put the the “arf” back in “sarfe sex”, and the “style” back in “doggy style” - pick up your Doggie Condoms™ today!*

*Available wherever pet contraceptive products or perverted party novelties are sold.

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Note: Um, I didn’t find this until I started Googling images for this post. But I’ll be damned if I was starting from scratch.