I was heading to work the other day and was descending the stairs to the subway platform. As I stepped down, I noticed a gentleman coming up the staircase. He was in his late forties, perhaps even in his fifties. His hair and eyebrows were mostly grey. He was wearing a t-shirt and jeans, but looked pretty presentable. I didn’t really pay much attention to him until I saw what was printed on his t-shirt:

I am pretty sure he wasn’t wearing the t-shirt ironically — there were no skinny jeans or scarves in sight. Upon seeing this gentlemen wearing the t-shirt, I asked myself: really? Stop snitchin’? Buddy, you are in your forties. If there is any time in your life you want people to start snitchin’, it would be in your forties. Most people in their forties own shit and have kids. Someone breaks into your house. Someone vandalizes your car. Someone tries to sell your kid drugs. Someone makes a pass at your underage daughter. Accordingly, by all means, start snitchin’. At that age, you are supposed to be the kind of person who materially benefits from a snitching culture. Conversely, if you are living a lifestyle in your late forties wherein you benefit from a “stop snitchin’” policy, you have to do some serious re-evaluation of your priorities. Still selling weed and sharing an apartment with your buddy? Still jacking car stereos? Still knocking over convenience stores? Maybe the problem doesn’t really lie with the snitches, no matter how much you want to ensure that they do indeed “get stitches”.

In summary, at that age, the only slogans allowed on your t-shirt are as follows:

- Stop walking so fast.
- Stop standing on my lawn.
- Stop taking me to movies with subtitles.
- Stop this erection that has lasted over four hours.
- Stop complaining about my casual racism.
- Stop dating him or else you are no longer my daughter.
- Stop nagging.
- Stop? I’ll stop when I’m damn well ready to stop.
- Stop sign? Didn’t see it.
- Stop to catch my breath.
- Stop dating my daughter.
- Stop telling me my son’s gay.
- Stop. Seriously. I know.