A critical look at the headlines that shape our world

It’ll Be Jon Minus Kate Plus Eight Minus Mealticket Equals Move Back In With Parents

If I remember my order of operations, the parents cancel each other out and what you’re left with is eight kids.

North Korea Warns World to Stay Out of Its Waters; ‘And You’re Not Getting That Frisbee Back Either’

And if I see you on my driveway again, so help me God I am taking away that skateboard, South Korea.

Two Nasa Space Probes Near Moon; Neil Armstrong Shakes Head, Continues One-Arm Push-ups

In other news, scientists pushing deep through the wild South American jungle have discovered a primitive settlement named ‘Rio de Janeiro’, where inhabitants dance around in wild costumes and stab each other for Zippo lighters.

700 NYC Teachers Paid to do Nothing; Union Stewards Worldwide: ‘And?’

For God’s sake, won’t somebody think of the children?  And the pensions?

7000 LCBO Employees Prepare to Hit Picket Lines

If today’s post seems a little thin, it’s because I’ve been  driving all over the city this morning buying up the remaining 24s of Zima Light. (To our American friends, yes, it is true that we can only buy liquor from a state agency that controls the brands on the shelves and sets base prices for all products.  Please pray for us.)

Zoo Says Gorilla Didn’t Intend to Start a Knife Fight But It Sure As Hell Intends to Finish It

Aha! The tides have changed, haven’t they, Ozumba! For it is now I who has the upper hand!  Prepare to… Ooh! Is that a yellow rubber ball? Ooh! Ooh!