Fri 20 Feb 2009
I’ve only got three things to say:
1. First, to my darling wife and seventeen beautiful children: I am truly, deeply sorry. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I am asking for it anyway. And I will do everything in my power to make this right, no matter how long it takes.
I’m not going to make up some stupid excuse, like, she dropped the flowers on the ground and I was just picking them up for her, or I was performing street magic, or that she hypnotized me with her hundreds of eyes. At the very least, you deserve the truth.
I also want you to know that what happened was a mistake that I will always regret. I just hope you can find it in your roots, one day, to forgive me.
2. Second: to whoever took this picture and posted it on the Internet, do yourself a favour, and GET A LIFE! I’m not excusing my behaviour, but I would rather get caught doing what I did than be a lowlife who profits on the misery of others. I hope someday someone catches you in a moment of weakness, and it ruins your life, you no-good hut-wrecker!
Sorry if I am being thin-skinned, but people like that really bring me to a boil.
3. Finally: to Michael Phelps, Pat O’Brien, Paris Hilton, Larry Craig, Paul Reubens, Britney Spears, George Michael, Prince Harry, Kate Moss, Fergie, Michael Richards, Elliott Spitzer, Oscar De La Hoya, Marion Berry, Tara Reid, Ashlee Simpson and Marv Albert…I know!
That is all. I thank you for your time, and I am sorry for the pain I have caused.
Sincerely,
A Sad Potatoe*
*The extra ‘e’ is for extra ‘embarrassment’.
February 20th, 2009 at 6:38 am
Yes, No.
February 20th, 2009 at 7:50 am
The person who posted this photo is nothing but a small fry and now poor Gourmet Spud will be stuck mashturbating.
February 20th, 2009 at 8:29 am
Oh, I get it, Chief! Minus six Cuba Libres and the dark cover of night, suddenly someone is Mr. Standards.
February 20th, 2009 at 9:40 am
Spud, you ignorant slut.
February 20th, 2009 at 10:27 am
You can’t expect not to have your picture taken if you’re going to have an affair with Blossom.
February 20th, 2009 at 11:04 am
I’m not satisified until you hide behind the Bible and plead to Jeebus for guidance and/or say it was all part of God’s plan. C’mon rookie!
February 20th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
@ Brown:
Blossom was pear-shaped, not potato-shaped.
February 20th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
But have you seen her lately?
Behold the dumpiness!
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_jPmgJDQfKhM/RcQ5OipIDxI/AAAAAAAAAOU/XChLfbchpdI/s1600-h/BREAK2_s1.jpg
February 22nd, 2009 at 4:42 pm
[…] Finally: to Michael Phelps, Pat O’Brien, Paris Hilton, Larry Craig, Paul Reubens, Britney Spears , George Michael, Prince Harry, Kate Moss, Fergie, Michael Richards, Elliott Spitzer, Oscar De La Hoya, Marion Berry, Tara Reid, …Read More […]
February 22nd, 2009 at 5:58 pm
whoa!
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:10 pm
To Gourmet Spud, your grovelling will get you no where. But I do like diamonds. Big ones.
February 23rd, 2009 at 1:17 pm
Spud:
Just in case you were thinking that you might get a little adventurous in the bedroom, DO NOT open the door on the rear of your paramour. It might seem like a good idea, but all you’re going to find in there are some spare ears, some eyeglasses and a fancier pair of shoes. Trust me.
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:20 pm
@ Mrs. Spud: You’ll see. They’ll be so big, you’ll need the biggest set of detachable ears on the market to hold ‘em!
@ Menu: Bastard! And I was wondering why there were so many delicious-yet-reasonably-priced frozen meals in my freezer!