We at Food Court Lunch watch a lot of television. On Sundays, we watch upwards of eleven hours in football alone. That’s over half a day of television!

Watching that much t.v. also means watching a lot of commercials. As consumers have become more sophisticated, advertisers, to keep pace, have also had to step up their collective game. It’s as if marketers and the viewing public have reached an agreement: we know we are being sold to. All we ask is that you entertain us while doing it.

Of course, most ads are not entertaining. Most are, in fact, terrible. But every once in a while, a commercial (or, even rarer, a series of commercials) comes along that not only do you enjoy watching, but that you actually look forward to seeing, almost as much as the show itself.

The series of Holiday Inn commercials, starring the three idiot travelling businessmen, Ted, Marcus and Zach, is such a series. If you line up these ads beside ten skits from your average episode of Saturday Night Live, and watch them back to back, there is a good chance you will laugh more at the ads. There is also a good chance that you are single.

Now if we were Chuck Klosterman, we would begin to pontificate on what it means when the most entertaining things on television are the commercials, and whether this is precisely why the terrorists hate us, or if it means that commerce has now fully consumed art, or whether that happened years ago and we are now just more honest and comfortable with it. We would also be a lot more intelligent and wealthy, and have Bill Simmons listed as our friend on Facebook.

But we are not Chuck Klosterman, so all we can offer are these YouTube links to our five favourite commercials in the series, with unnecessary synopses as to why we find them so funny, plus the hidden practical management tip contained within each. Remember these the next time one of those horrible Bud Light “press conference” commercials comes on and forces you to change the channel. Here goes:

(Editor’s Note: this post is in no way an attempt to procure some sort of discount or favourable rate with a leading international hotel chain, although Food Court Lunch certainly does appreciate Holiday Inn’s nearly 4000 worldwide locations, their relatively high score on the “blacklight test”, and their desk staff’s legendary discretion. Now on to the ads).

5. The Interview

Why it’s great: This never aired as a commercial, but has floated around on YouTube and is possibly an audition tape (any help, reader? Seriously, Marshall, do you know where this came from?). Regardless, it introduces the characters and sets the stage for the “tons of road trips” the guys will be taking together. It is also chock-full of great lines that necessitate a re-watch to completely appreciate.
Hidden tip for managers: Each employee has his or her own unique motivating force. A successful manager will identify that force and, eventually, snuff it out.
Pay attention to: The immediate use of post-shake hand sanitizer.

4. Pillows

Why it’s great: Like a lot of these ads, what makes it is the simmering rage/creepy insanity underlying almost everything Ted says. Like here, where he demands that his subordinates enjoy their “gifts” in front of him. He’s basically like a funny version of Robin Williams’s character in One Hour Photo, which is to say he is like a funny version of Robin Williams. Incidentally, the name of the actor who plays Ted is Jerry Lambert. According to his IMDB page, he’s been on That 70s Show, Everybody Loves Raymond, Sons & Daughters and tons of other shitty television shows. Here’s hoping these ads lead to bigger and better things.
Hidden tip for managers: Everyone appreciates a surprise gift. Employees are no different. Plus, when they complain about the lack of a year-end bonus, you can tell them you spent it all on the gift, and they can’t say anything back without sounding greedy.
Pay attention to: The slight twitch of incredulity at 0:16 as Ted witnesses Zach and Marcus’s lack of enjoyment.

3. Screwball

Why it’s great: I picked this one over the (also great) Cal Ripken Jr. ad (the one where Ted asks Ripken what line of work he’s in), which was tough because this one involved Joe Buck. Ultimately, however, this one wins out because of 1) Zach’s insta-morph into his terrible Buck impression, and 2) the reference to a pitch that I have never actually witnessed being thrown in my lifetime.
Hidden tip for managers: A bored employee is a trouble-making employee, so be sure they always have more work than they can handle.
Pay attention to: Zach’s refusal to let Marcus score a high-five.

2. The Trip

Why it’s great: Again, it’s the amazing manner in which Ted conveys suppressed rage. He couldn’t be more excited about his awesome vacation, dead uncle and all, but then Marcus has to swoop in and ruin his whole god damn story. This run of commercials has to end with Ted striking Marcus. Has to.
Hidden tip for managers: The second your employees stop fearing you, they will humiliate you. Therefore, you should publicly dress one down in front of the entire office at least once a quarter, just to be safe.
Pay attention to: The off-screen laughter after Ted delivers his awesome “what did you just say to me?”.

1. “Take It On The Run”

Why it’s great: It’s like the “Tiny Dancer” scene from Almost Famous, only substitute three travelling salesmen for the rock stars, REO Speedwagon for Elton John, and a claustrophobic hotel room for a clasutrophobic tour bus. Everything about this ad, from the choice of song, to Ted’s head-bobs, to the bizarre falsettos, make it an all-time great.
Hidden tip for managers: Want to increase team building? Two words: mandatory karaoke.
Pay attention to: The half-beat pause before the three-part harmony kicks in.