A critical look at the headlines that shape our world

Food Court Lunch Secures Fourth-Place Finish in ‘Best Sports Blog’ Category in Canadian Blog Awards; FCL Claims ‘A Triumph of Apathy’

Controversy abounds at the Canadian Blog Awards, where would-be Best Canadian Sports Blogs continue to snipe at each other for perceived ‘Uncanadianness’.  A proposal to the organizers of the 2009 awards: A sports blog is not Canadian unless it routinely contains the words ‘rouge’ and/or ‘aboot’.  We urge our readers to rise up to help us overcome this travesty of democracy!  On the plus side, the fact that we received 55 votes means that every single one of our readers voted for us.

Cult Leader Says: ‘Touching Girls Not Sexual’; Public Hears: ‘I, Cult Leader, Touch Girls’

Why don’t you sit this one out, Grand Wizard.  Just one more sad episode contributing to the crippling shortage of PR firms in Salt Lake City.

Mom Wears Resume T-Shirt; Potential Employer Wonders: Possible Wet T-shirt CV Review? 

For a while last year, there used to be a man in a finely-tailored suit walking outside some of the office towers on Bay Street with a sandwich board with his resume on it, looking for a job in the financial district.  I had to admire his initiative.  It made me think: “That guy would make one damn fine sandwich board sign holder.”

Heavy Toilet Seats a Risk for Young Boys; The Childhood Crush You Won’t Soon Forget

I was going to make some joke about ‘penis crush’, but that’s exactly what pediatricians have decided to call the phenomenon: Penis Crush.  And with your support, we’ll abolish PC in our time.  Give generously.

Reporter Held in Bush Shoe Toss To be Executed; US Also Plans Attack on Iran

Anyone who’s seen the video by now has no choice but to marvel at Bush’s agility in ducking consecutive shoes thrown at his head.  It’s almost like he’s accustomed to his staff hurling shoes at his head on a daily basis or something.

Gun Clubs Tout Safety After Boy’s Uzi Death: ‘Children Should Always Use Two Hands When Firing a Military-Spec Assault Weapon’

Personally, I don’t think children should ever be allowed to use semi-automatic guns.  Now crossbows, there’s a good learnin’ weapon.

Mom Accused of Selling Twins for Cosmetic Surgery; Wanted ‘New Twins’

The public is outraged, but who are we to interfere with market forces?