Mon 8 Dec 2008
(Subway restaurant in Boston. Members of the Boston Celtics are ordering their post-practice meal)
Paul Pierce: …give me a cold-cut combo, toasted, everything on it, and…Italian dressing.
Sandwich Artist: Alright sir. Next?
(Kevin Garnett stands in front of counter, head bowed, eyes closed)
SA: Sir? Can I take your…
Garnett: (slowly raises index finger, moves it to lips)
Garnett: (softly) Meatball.
SA: And what kind of bread would you like?
SA: Wheat it is. (begins making sub) Would you like this toasted?
Garnett: (raises head, juts out jaw)
SA: Would you like your sub toasted?
Garnett: (slowly shakes head)
SA: Not toasted.
(A young boy approaches Garnett with a pen and piece of paper)
Boy: Mister Garnett, sir? Can I have your autograph?
Garnett: (eyes fixated on sub being made) …
Boy: Mister Garnett?
Pierce: (leans down) He can’t hear you when he’s ordering a sub, kid.
SA: Okay, sir, what toppings would you like?
Garnett: (loudly claps hands together and is suddenly animated; begins bouncing on balls of feet) Alright, here we go now! Lettuce!
SA: Okay, lettuce.
Garnett: (bends over and slams palms down on floor) Yeah! You gotta put some green peppers on that, too!
SA: Green peppers. What else?
Garnett: (begins pacing back and forth along length of counter, nodding and clapping hands) Feel it, baby! Hot peppers!
SA: Hot peppers. Will that be all?
Garnett: (stops and turns abruptly; tilts head back and raises arms at sides) OLIVES, MOTHERFUCKER!
SA: What colour?
Garnett: (pulls jersey out with thumbs) GREEN!
SA: Green olives. Anything else?
Garnett: (breathing rapidly through nostrils) Nuh-uh.
SA: That will be seven dollars, please.
Garnett: (slams ten dollar bill on counter; snatches sub) Keep it! (stomps away, fixated on sub) You picked a bad time to be a meatball sub, meatball sub! A baaaaaad time to be a meatball sub…
SA: (shaking head) Next!
Brian Scalabrine: DO YOU GUYS STILL TAKE SUB STAMPS?
Image by Deux Huit Neuf