Mon 8 Dec 2008
(Subway restaurant in Boston. Members of the Boston Celtics are ordering their post-practice meal)
Paul Pierce: …give me a cold-cut combo, toasted, everything on it, and…Italian dressing.
Sandwich Artist: Alright sir. Next?
(Kevin Garnett stands in front of counter, head bowed, eyes closed)
SA: Sir? Can I take your…
Garnett: (slowly raises index finger, moves it to lips)
SA: Oh…kay.
Garnett: (softly) Meatball.
SA: And what kind of bread would you like?
Garnett: Wheat.
SA: Wheat it is. (begins making sub) Would you like this toasted?
Garnett: (raises head, juts out jaw)
SA: Would you like your sub toasted?
Garnett: (slowly shakes head)
SA: Not toasted.
(A young boy approaches Garnett with a pen and piece of paper)
Boy: Mister Garnett, sir? Can I have your autograph?
Garnett: (eyes fixated on sub being made) …
Boy: Mister Garnett?
Pierce: (leans down) He can’t hear you when he’s ordering a sub, kid.
SA: Okay, sir, what toppings would you like?
Garnett: (loudly claps hands together and is suddenly animated; begins bouncing on balls of feet) Alright, here we go now! Lettuce!
SA: Okay, lettuce.
Garnett: (bends over and slams palms down on floor) Yeah! You gotta put some green peppers on that, too!
SA: Green peppers. What else?
Garnett: (begins pacing back and forth along length of counter, nodding and clapping hands) Feel it, baby! Hot peppers!
SA: Hot peppers. Will that be all?
Garnett: (stops and turns abruptly; tilts head back and raises arms at sides) OLIVES, MOTHERFUCKER!
SA: What colour?
Garnett: (pulls jersey out with thumbs) GREEN!
SA: Green olives. Anything else?
Garnett: (breathing rapidly through nostrils) Nuh-uh.
SA: That will be seven dollars, please.
Garnett: (slams ten dollar bill on counter; snatches sub) Keep it! (stomps away, fixated on sub) You picked a bad time to be a meatball sub, meatball sub! A baaaaaad time to be a meatball sub…
SA: (shaking head) Next!
Brian Scalabrine: DO YOU GUYS STILL TAKE SUB STAMPS?
***
Image by Deux Huit Neuf
Other: Tim Duncan Returns a Pair of Pants
December 9th, 2008 at 8:36 am
Bears have more manners then Garnett when in a subway
December 9th, 2008 at 9:05 am
I just love his intensity.
December 9th, 2008 at 9:14 am
I’d be slightly less afraid of the bear.
December 9th, 2008 at 9:59 am
“At Subway, ANYTHING’S POSSSIBLLLLLLEEEEEE!!!”
Obviously, the Subway employee was not a white person or Garnett would have punched him for being so ignorant.
December 9th, 2008 at 10:11 am
If that guy from All That lost some weight this could be an SNL skit.
December 9th, 2008 at 10:11 am
No, Weed, he would have punched him simply for being white.
December 9th, 2008 at 10:35 am
Do they have a “Five Loonie Footlong” deal going on in Canada?
December 9th, 2008 at 10:42 am
@Patchy Drizzle: indeed they do. In fact, here’s a couple of stills from the commercials that Youppi is doing for the promotion:
http://www.tomcruiseisnuts.com/images/youppi.jpg
http://images.sportsline.com/images/hockey/nhl/2007/asg_youppi.jpg
December 9th, 2008 at 10:48 am
I’m not sure, Patchy, because the CRTC has a very strict policy on the number of horribly unfunny commercials we are allowed to see.
December 9th, 2008 at 10:51 am
I figure I should link to why I had my bad post.
http://foodcourtlunch.com/?p=1313
Spud: Did it ever make The Colbert Report I haven’t watched it in a while
December 9th, 2008 at 11:00 am
It did indeed, Matt. I believe he showed a picture of Jared’s former “fat pants” and claimed that was all that was left after the bear ate him.
@ Weed: That’s not the only footlong-related-work that Youppi is doing for money these days.
December 9th, 2008 at 11:11 am
11 comments from Kevin Garnett orders a sub to Youppi is gay. Well done, everyone.
December 9th, 2008 at 11:22 am
Youppi > Kevin Garnett > Jared > Baron Davis
December 9th, 2008 at 11:29 am
Wait a second. Shouldn’t it be “Five Loonie A Little More Than Three Tenths of a Meter Long”?
December 9th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Thanks Spud found the clip it is the Threatdown: Zombies
December 9th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
Hat tip to 289, not only for the seamless Garnett photoshop, but for deftly inserting Boston sports hero Doug Flutie, as well.
That Subway is JUMPIN.
December 9th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
@Brown:
I’m pretty sure that’s the fat guy from ‘Everybody Loves Earl’. Or is it ‘According to Earl’?
December 9th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
I’m pretty sure that’s the fat guy from ‘Everybody Loves Earl’. Or is it ‘According to Earl’?
That’s the show with the two guys and the skinny girl who all act like befuddled rednecks? I think that’s “Two and a Half Earls.”
December 9th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
Actually, Brown, it’s “Two Guys, An Earl and a Pizza Place”.
December 9th, 2008 at 7:01 pm
Are you sure it wasn’t the “Gastineau Earls?”
Too far?
Yeah, too far.
December 9th, 2008 at 8:31 pm
After reading this earlier today, I ordered the Pierce “cold-cut combo, toasted, everything on it, and…Italian dressing” for dinner. It was pretty damned good.
Just wanted to say thanks for the suggestion. Oh, and the other commenters on this post are gay. Keep that type of shit on Dspin.
December 9th, 2008 at 9:08 pm
For those accusing KG of being racist you might want to take a look at yourseves who probably are as well I guess. Hey don’t get mad at me even though I look at just a couple of posts to come to that conclusion just as you seem to come to that conclusion just because KG had a incident or 2 with a white player on the court. KG has gotten into it with Amare Stoudemire, Time Duncan, Kendrick Perkins (while a Timberwolf), Antonio McDyess, Al Jefferson, etc. KG is an equal oppurtunist.
December 9th, 2008 at 10:22 pm
[...] Food Court Lunch, via Ball Don’t Lie. A highlight: SA: That will be seven dollars, [...]
December 9th, 2008 at 11:02 pm
@ cold money:
Now, now. We’ve been very clear about our mandate to be the gay Deadspin.
December 10th, 2008 at 8:05 am
You guys are gay? That’s shocking, I thought you were straight guys who just happen to like giving blowjobs.
December 10th, 2008 at 8:17 am
@ 24.
Does this mean that you’ll allow facebook users to comment?
zing!
December 10th, 2008 at 10:11 am
Veal is making $3 mil a year so no stamps for him. Olives Mothafucka!
December 10th, 2008 at 10:14 am
Just wanted to say thanks for the suggestion. Oh, and the other commenters on this post are gay. Keep that type of shit on Dspin.
But I missed the kick-off meeting and I won’t be in Saarbrücken again until May!
December 10th, 2008 at 10:48 am
[...] identities with the West Enterprise A supreme court case for hot Celtics Food Court Lunch Kevin Garnett orders a sub ProJo Allen’s on his game and so are the Celts Wicked Local How the Celtics and Larry Bird [...]
May 4th, 2012 at 12:48 am
keres? optimalizálás…
[...]foodcourtlunch.com » Kevin Garnett Orders a Sub[...]…