Tue 25 Nov 2008
Up until last Sunday, I hadn’t watched a Tampa Bay Buccaneers game in quite a while. That’s almost certainly because I haven’t had a Buccaneer on my fantasy team since 2006 (when I drafted Cadillac Williams in the first round, thereby ruining both my season and my league reputation), and I couldn’t think of any other reason to watch them. Lo and behold, this past Thursday, I found myself furiously snatching Cadillac off the waiver wire (spoiler alert – I’m in last place). I of course wanted to have a look at my new pick-up, so I tuned in for a little bit of Sunday’s drubbing of Detroit, which featured the added bonus of bearing witness to the Lions’ impressive run towards immortality.
And who should immediately appear on the front part of my television machine? Why, none other than L’il Jonny Gruden a.k.a. the primary reason, I quickly remembered, I’d been avoiding Bucs games in the first place. Yes, there isn’t a more signature facial expression in the league than Gruden’s scowl, which almost certainly gives him more pride than his Super Bowl ring. Because there is not a doubt in my mind that he has spent immeasurable hours, nay, days of his life standing in front of a mirror, just practicing looking mean.
The good news is that all that practice has paid off, in the form of a series of perfectly punchable portraits. We proudly welcome your faces to the club, Chucky. Here’s hoping it’s another two years before I see another one.
The “Spaghetti…no, Lasagna for Dinner”
The “Upskirt Peep”
(Not pictured: Rachel Nichols sitting in front row)
The “Of Mice and Men”
The “I’m Totally Stealing That Bicycle”
The “Owen Wilson”
The “Just Found Out Wife’s Leaving Him…For a Woman”
The “Ranking the Linemen’s Asses”
The “Posing for Nude Portrait”
The “Hypnotist Convinced Him He’s a Ninja”
The “If This Damn Visor Weren’t in the Way…”
The “Determined to Learn How to Whistle”
The “Determined to Learn How to Gleek”*
The “Accepting This Award on Behalf of Mr. Dungy…”
*Skip to 1:01 for a Masters Class.
Also, don’t forget to vote for us in the 2008 Canadian Blog Awards! We are up for Best Blog, Best Cultural/Entertainment Blog (Really?), Best Humour Blog, Best Group Blog, Best Sports Blog, and Best Rapping Cat. Vote once a day, vote from different computers, and vote for us. We are well behind in our campaign because we forgot it was going on. Help us out. If we win this, we get a seat in Parliament. Thank god for spurious Canadian electoral laws.
More Punchable Faces: