Tue 25 Nov 2008
The Punchable Faces of…Jon Gruden!
Posted by Gourmet Spud under Gourmet Spud's reflections[18] Comments
Up until last Sunday, I hadn’t watched a Tampa Bay Buccaneers game in quite a while. That’s almost certainly because I haven’t had a Buccaneer on my fantasy team since 2006 (when I drafted Cadillac Williams in the first round, thereby ruining both my season and my league reputation), and I couldn’t think of any other reason to watch them. Lo and behold, this past Thursday, I found myself furiously snatching Cadillac off the waiver wire (spoiler alert – I’m in last place). I of course wanted to have a look at my new pick-up, so I tuned in for a little bit of Sunday’s drubbing of Detroit, which featured the added bonus of bearing witness to the Lions’ impressive run towards immortality.
And who should immediately appear on the front part of my television machine? Why, none other than L’il Jonny Gruden a.k.a. the primary reason, I quickly remembered, I’d been avoiding Bucs games in the first place. Yes, there isn’t a more signature facial expression in the league than Gruden’s scowl, which almost certainly gives him more pride than his Super Bowl ring. Because there is not a doubt in my mind that he has spent immeasurable hours, nay, days of his life standing in front of a mirror, just practicing looking mean.
The good news is that all that practice has paid off, in the form of a series of perfectly punchable portraits. We proudly welcome your faces to the club, Chucky. Here’s hoping it’s another two years before I see another one.
The “Spaghetti…no, Lasagna for Dinner”
The “Upskirt Peep”
(Not pictured: Rachel Nichols sitting in front row)
The “Of Mice and Men”
The “I’m Totally Stealing That Bicycle”
The “Owen Wilson”
The “Just Found Out Wife’s Leaving Him…For a Woman”
The “Ranking the Linemen’s Asses”
The “Posing for Nude Portrait”
The “Hypnotist Convinced Him He’s a Ninja”
The “If This Damn Visor Weren’t in the Way…”
The “Determined to Learn How to Whistle”
The “Determined to Learn How to Gleek”*
The “Accepting This Award on Behalf of Mr. Dungy…”
*Skip to 1:01 for a Masters Class.
Also, don’t forget to vote for us in the 2008 Canadian Blog Awards! We are up for Best Blog, Best Cultural/Entertainment Blog (Really?), Best Humour Blog, Best Group Blog, Best Sports Blog, and Best Rapping Cat. Vote once a day, vote from different computers, and vote for us. We are well behind in our campaign because we forgot it was going on. Help us out. If we win this, we get a seat in Parliament. Thank god for spurious Canadian electoral laws.
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More Punchable Faces:
November 26th, 2008 at 7:28 am
I am sure it was a good article I just didn’t read past the spoiler alert
November 26th, 2008 at 8:07 am
My ex-girlfriend had a huge crush on Gruden. She was also very punchable. Not that I advocate violence towards women, just women like her.
Also: Leprechaun > Chucky
Particularly Leprechaun 6, Back to da Hood. An underrated masterpiece that will be studied in future Cinema Studies courses.
November 26th, 2008 at 8:48 am
Best feature ever.
November 26th, 2008 at 9:08 am
That crazy ol’ Leprechaun. When is he ever going to get out of that hood?
November 26th, 2008 at 9:16 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mlufxatPxnA
November 26th, 2008 at 9:22 am
My office just turned into a dance party!
November 26th, 2008 at 9:58 am
[...] There’s a blog called “Food Court Lunch” that seems to promote such violence in a photo display called “The Punchable Faces of Jon Gruden.” [...]
November 26th, 2008 at 10:16 am
@ Spud and Wahoo:
I assume that’s an accurate representation of what a Pogues concert is like.
November 26th, 2008 at 11:45 am
The “Ranking the Linemen’s Asses”
Very funny but your only problem is he’s standing next to Jeff Garcia. Do you really think a man married to a playboy playmate would stand around and listen to such a discussion about the relative merits of the linemen’s asses? Don’t think sooo0oo!!1!
The “Posing for Nude Portrait”
That does look like Kate Winslet, doesn’t it.
November 26th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Butter Chicken:
Pogues Concert = more whiskey, fewer black people. I’ll be glad to explain if any of you Canucks don’t understand what a “black person” is.
November 26th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
You could try voting once a day, but once a week works better for most computers.
November 26th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
@ Saskboy:
Son-of-a-bitch. What are you saying? I should read the rules? I should have figured out when voting actually started? Enough with your cryptic prairie talk. I can’t appreciate your subtlety (or Corner Gas for that matter). You just admit your anti-FCL bias and we won’t print that Saskboy expose that we’ve been working on.
November 26th, 2008 at 4:54 pm
Perhaps Food Court Lunch should investigate to see if any Rotten Boroughs are available in this election of the internets. I recommend Old Sarum; it worked for Pitt the Elder.
November 26th, 2008 at 4:56 pm
Lord Palmerston!
December 11th, 2008 at 11:49 pm
[...] Jon Gruden [...]
October 4th, 2009 at 10:33 pm
[...] Jon Gruden [...]
November 22nd, 2011 at 8:34 pm
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December 10th, 2011 at 8:20 am
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