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• Are you an innocent nightclub patron who has been the victim of an unprompted spitting attack?

• Are you a valet who has been stiffed on a tip?

• Are you a stripper with a heart of gold who has been cheated out of a hard-earned pile of floating dollar bills?

• Are you a bodyguard who has been punched by his own client?

Then chances are you could be entitled to a:

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We are the Law Offices of Darnell and Peters, and we are North America’s LEADING practitioners of Adam-Jones-related-felony-and-misdemeanour law. We have helped hundreds of clients get the money they deserve as a result of their unfortunate altercations with this oddly-nicknamed menace.

But don’t take our word for it! Take it from our clients:

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man1.jpg  Ray Sefretti, Portland, Oregon:

I was working as a gas station attendant when Pacman pulled up in his Humvee. When I told him his gas came to $120, he flashed his genitals at me and whipped me with my own squeegee. Darnell and Peters got me $18,000!

mug-shot.jpg  “Prius”, Las Vegas, Nevada:

I danced for Pacman for two and a half hours at the Spearmint Rhino. When the time came to pay me, he told me he was friends with Ludacris. I told him that was fine, but I still needed my $900. He proceeded to pour an entire bottle of Grey Goose in my hair and steal my sunglasses. Darnell and Peters got me $38,000!

man2.jpg  Marcus Thomas, Jacksonville, Florida:

My six-year old son and I saw Pacman at Best Buy. I asked him if my son could get an autograph. He said he would only do it if my son gave him a piggy back ride. When I refused, he called my son a coward and pushed me into a display of discounted British comedy DVDs. Darnell and Peters got me $13,000!  

goodell.jpg  Roger Goodell, New York, NY:

I spent so much time dealing with Pacman Jones-related incidents over my first two years in office, I missed my daughters’ birthdays, developed hyperhidrosis and let the terrifying devolution of Ed Hochuli continue unabated. Darnell and Peters got me $6.2 million!

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So there you have it. There are dozens of firms specializing in Pacman-Jones-related-felony-and-misdemeanour law, but only ONE has the experience, tenacity and toughness that it takes to get you the money you so rightfully deserve!

Call Darnell and Peters at 1-800-BINPAC’D!*

That’s 1-800-246-7223!

 We’ll help YOU take a BITE out of Pacman!

*The exclamation point is just for effect. You don’t actually need to dial it.