(Raptors General Manager Bryan Colangelo and Jose Calderon sit behind table at press conference.  Calderon leans into microphone.)

Calderon: (reading from statement) Ladies and gentlemen of Toronto.  I speak at you today with a great heaviness in my heart.  As you surely now know, Jose and his friends of the Spanish basketball team were involved in taking a picture that has hurt the feelings of many, many people.  There is no excuse for what Jose has done. 

Colangelo: (nodding in support) 

Calderon: It gives me great sadness to know the pain that I have caused.  (looks up) Please to believe that Jose would never on purpose do anything to offend anyone.  Especially people as friendly and helpful as the Chinese…

Colangelo: AHEM! (leans over, whispers into Calderon’s ear)

Calderon: (clears throat) Excuse me.  (reading from statement) What I mean to say is, Toronto is a city of so many wonderful cultures, and the Chinese culture is one of the most….(squints at paper)…one of the most wonderful.  Since this unfortunate incident, I have been happy to learn there are over 350,000 persons of Chinese descent in Toronto, and many of them are great fans of the Toronto Raptors.  I see many coming to our games and cheering on us. (looks up) Of course, it may just be the same few people that come to every game.  Is very hard to tell, because so many Chinese people look the…

Colangelo: (pounds table)

Calderon: (wide-eyed, shuffling paper) Ummm…I am very sorry for what I may have just said.  Jose does not mean to offend, truly he does not.  It is just that I feel we do not take racism so seriously in Spain as you do here.   These…(whispers to Colangelo) how you say estereotipo… yes, these stereotypes are something that we think of as harmless, and in good fun.  And if there is one thing I know that the Spanish and Chinese share, it is our great senses of humour.

Colangelo: (ponders, then nods)

Calderon: (big smile) Why, I remember this one time, we were visiting the Hoo-ston Rockets, and my friend Jorge and I were in a very silly mood.  We asked our friend Yao Ming if he wanted to go and eat a meal with us after the game.  He said yes, so…

Colangelo: Jose…

Calderon: …we went out and caught a stray dog, covered him in noodles, and…

Media: (gasps)

Colangelo: JOSE!!!

Calderon: Um…(looks around panicky) Um…in conclusion…thank you for supporting Toronto Raptors basketball.  Please drive carefully to your homes.

(Leaves podium, walks behind stage with Colangelo.)

Calderon: Well, Mis-ter Colan-yelo, I think that went okay?

Colangelo: …

Calderon: Yen-eral Mana-yer?

Colangelo: Get in the god damn van.