A critical look at the headlines that shape our world

WNBA Suspends 10 Players, Mahorn over Fight: ‘It’s Time to Get Back to the Lay-ups’

So let me get this straight – There’s a women’s professional basketball league? And Rick Mahorn is somehow involved?

Judge Renames Girl, Grants Pony in Lieu of Costs

Okay, I can understand how a name like “Talula Does the Hula from Hawaii” might limit your opportunities in life.  But ‘Yeah Detroit’? That would be awesome!  Except for after Detroit Lions’ games, when the fans would kick the shit out of you while demanding that Matt Millen be fired.

Texans Assess Dolly’s Damage: ‘Multiple Bra-Strap Stress Fractures’

Authorities warn that Hurricane Pamela may be just around the corner. [Sorry, hurrican victims, but it’s Friday and I’m just not in the mood to think of something funny.]

Iraq Banned from Summer Olympics; Could Ban from WWE be next?

Say what you will about Uday and Qusay, but at least they never missed the deadline to enter their tortured athletes into the Olympics.

Grandma Accused of Hiring Hitman, Botching Apple Crisp

Stories about murderous grandmothers always make me sad that my grandmother wasn’t more exciting.  All she did knit sweaters and blurt out difficult-to-understand racial epithets.

Brooke Hogan Makes Public Apology: ‘My Parents Should Have Considered Birth Control’

I think the Hogan family might want to consider a temporary moratorium on the whole “public statements” thing.

Rapper 50 Cent Sues Taco Bell in Value-Menu Semantics Battle

Even money on whether 50 Cent’s lawyer simply used “Fitty” as a defined term in his written court submissions.

Quick Hits:

A Warm Welcome in Paris = A Cold Night at the STD Clinic 

Lower Kids Cholesterol the Old Fashioned Way: Beat it Out of Them

Ex-Con Gets Life for Gruesome 19-Hour Rape; Fox News Gets -1 for Gruesome Headline

Perdita Joins CBC Olympic Team, Promptly Knocks Over Ron McLean

Gays in Iraq Terrorized by Threats, Rape, Murder, Terrorists