Copy editors for newspapers must love news items involving Andy Dick, because there is never any need to do any fact-checking.  Case in point: foodcourtlunch did not have any reporters on scene at the Funny Bone Comedy Club when Andy Dick urinated on a bar patron, but I’m willing to accept that it actually happened. If you don’t believe it, click on the link below from the undisputed arbiters of truth, CNN:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/TV/08/31/people.andydick.ap/index.html

It’s Labour Day Weekend (yes, Labour with a “u”). Time for a bit of a hiatus. It has been three weeks, you know.

It’s possible that one of us will post this weekend, but I wouldn’t hold your breath. 

Be safe this weekend - wear condoms and lifejackets (together, if possible). 

BTW - If we catch any of you motherfuckers wearing white after Monday, we will kill you.

Sincerely,           

Your Serial Moms    

 Our Daily-ish Collection of Wisdoms from the Internets

Alright, I didn’t know Blue Menu was working on one of these. I’ll be damned if I delete this, though. 

This is officially the quote of the day:

 http://www.thestar.com/News/World/article/252006

“I saved up money to be here today,” said Susan Chickowski, 38, a florist from Saskatchewan, Canada.

“When she passed away, I felt like I’d lost my best friend. She’s been such a big part of my life,” Chickowski said. “Now it’s time to move on, 10 years on, for myself personally.”

Really, Susan? It was like your best friend died? I’m pretty sure it was, except of course for the fact that she wasn’t your best friend and you likely never even met her. What would you do if your actual best friend (collection of cats?) died? It took you 10 years to move on from the death of a complete stranger. I assume your reaction would be something like the following:

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Our Daily Collection of Wisdoms from the Internets: 

A Bush-proposed rescue plan for embattled mortgage-holders?  Let me guess: (1) Extend vacation at presidential ranch in Crawford, Texas; (2) Check to see what wikipedia says about “sub-prime mortgages”; (3) Appoint former lottery commissioner to look into issue; (4) Invade Iran:

http://money.cnn.com/2007/08/31/news/economy/bush_subprime/index.htm?postversion=2007083104

A “Tom Cruise Extortion Plot”? Has Scientology done away with all pretense and changed its name?:

http://www.kpho.com/news/14017437/detail.html

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[Monday, August 27, 2007 - 3 A.M. - Club Stereo - Manhattan]

Man, I love being Rafer Alston! This club is awesome!

Look at my life: I am an NBA player, in fact, the starting point guard for Houston Rockets. I am a streetball legend. I am worshipped and admired by kids everywhere. I am a VIP in this awesome club. All the beautiful ladies in here are trying to get with me. Things could not be any better. Life is perfect! 

Or is it?

…Jesus, you’re right, Brain. What if this is all fleeting? What if my job, my fame, my money, could all disappear in an instant? What would happen to poor Rafer?

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Let’s face it - life can be confusing. Every day presents a new challenge:

“Should I quit my job?” “Will I wear underwear today (and if so, will it be clean)?” “How do I dispose of that dead hooker in my trunk?” “How did she get there, anyway?” “Does God exist?” “If so, does he/she watch me when I shower?” “Why is Paris Hilton famous?” “Does she have a lazy eye, or is that just her ‘blue steel’ look?”

Fortunately, there is an easily accessible handbook for life: “pop” music. Though often dismissed as insipid and exploitative, this veritable hotbed of moral wisdom provides us with the tools to answer virtually any problem that life throws in our path. 

To illustrate this very point, the Food Court Lunch Contemporary Music & Art Division has compiled the following list of life lessons, as conveyed through some of the worst lyrics in music history. Enjoy!

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 Our Daily Collection of Wisdoms from the Internets

The true author of the article linked below

If I know our readership, this will be old hat. What we would like to see, though, is the signals we should be using in subway cars.

http://www.slate.com/id/2173033/nav/tap3/

Apparently the Pentagon was worried about a ray shortage and didn’t implement the program. Thank god bullets are so plentiful and easy to make. (A ray gun? Really? Are we to expect an army of zombie soldiers next?)

http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/World/2007/08/29/4456701-ap.html

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Sure, the NFL is about a million times more popular, and has much better athletes (as well as an extra down), but I wouldn’t discount the CFL. It’s a real underdog league, biting at the heels of its southern competition. I mean, the CFL’s got Ricky Williams, Doug Flutie, Rocket Ismail, teams in Baltimore, Birmingham, Shreveport, Sacramento, and San Antonio….a series of horribly embarrassing and dated fight songs.

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As a child of the 1980’s, I could never really figure out what exactly the “Rhythm of the Night” was. Finally, the question has been answered. It’s a series of slaps followed by sirens. Done and done.

 http://www.tmz.com/2007/08/29/el-debarge-in-el-slammer/

Many fans of Owen Wilson were caught off guard by the recent news of his attempted suicide. For those living under Iraq (I think that is how the saying goes?), Wilson, a talented actor, writer and Oscar nominee, apparently attempted to take his own life this past Sunday at his home in Santa Monica.

The question is: should it really have been that much of a surprise? Allow me to explain.

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